I am 17 at the moment. I'm an ex muslim living with a religous family. I keep my beliefs hidden from people around me including my family. I was born and am living in saudi arabia where ex muslims are executed. My family supports this and they support honor killings as well. I am from palestine but i have a jordanian temporary passport. I feel like it's a curse to be a girl within such societies. The sexism in them suffocates me. I was never able to be myself. Since i was 14, i was forced to wear the hijab. My father objectifies and sexualies me and i always felt disgusted by that. They believe in arranged marriage and that if i had any relationship or pre martial sex i should be killed. I get beaten for he 'suspects' i talk to boys. I have always thought of leaving them due to the amount of abuse they made me go through. But now, it's not a choice anymore. I am sick of living a double life and i want my right of freedom, existence, and my own identity without being killed. I am here to know what do i need to provide to prove my need for asylum and wether i am eligible or not. I record voice notes that reflect their abuse and beliefs as much as i can. But i want to know if i need more than this. I want to leave as early as i can after i turn 18.