Request for Advice regarding My Child’s Contact with His Biological Father

Question

I am seeking your advice and assistance regarding my child’s situation. I have a son with a German citizen, who is his biological father. Unfortunately, the father has refused to have any contact with his child since birth. My son is now four years old, and his father has shown no interest in meeting or communicating with him.

We have already completed a DNA test confirming paternity. However, there has been no emotional or parental involvement from the father’s side. I have tried several times to reach out to him—asking if he could at least meet our child occasionally, even for a short visit in a public place—but he has repeatedly declined. He stated that he does not wish to see his son until the boy is grown up and able to visit him on his own.

This situation is very painful for me, as I do not want my child to grow up without knowing his father or his extended family. I am not trying to force a relationship, but I believe some minimal contact would benefit my child’s emotional well-being. Unfortunately, I do not have any family here in Germany to support me, and I am unsure what steps to take.

Could you kindly advise me on what options are available in such a case? Is there any legal or social service support that can help ensure at least limited contact between my child and his father?

Thank you very much for your time and understanding. I would be grateful for any guidance you can provide.

Answer 1

Dear @Simi, 

Welcome back at Wefugees and thanks for reaching out to us again. 

I'm sorry to hear that the father of your child doesn't want to be involved or have any contact at the moment. Unfortunately, you can't force him to have contact (the situation is different when it comes to child support obligations, of course, but I assume that has been clarified?). However, this may be for the best, as forced contact is usually not good for the child—you want to protect them from possible rejection. 

However, he can also not simply show up and disappear again if this is harmful to the child. In this case, the youth welfare office ("Jugendamt") can provide advice or a court can make arrangements. Even if the father does not want any contact, the youth welfare office can advise you on how best to protect and support your child. For example, how you can talk to your child about their absent father, how you can cope with emotional stress, or what support services (counseling centers for single parents, etc.) are available. 

Are you already in contact with the Jugendamt? 

I wish you all the best in finding a good and stable path and please don't hesitate to get back to us with any further questions or with updates. 

Regards,

Meike