somebody help me please

Question

I'm a female from egypt i just turned 23 years old...i just need your help even if with some words that could give me hope...sorry if my English is not good but I'm not a native speaker
I'm facing honour killings from my family-Domestic violence-prison and forced marriage
here's my story.....i was in a relationship with a girl which is something forbidden in egypt as a muslim country so in the beginning i never knew I am lesbian or not.. because I was virgin and in egypt you have to stay virgin until you get marry and if your family discovered you're not a virgin before your wedding they will kill you with no empathy.. they call this crime "killing for honour"... she was just my bestfriend at the beginning I was so in love with her but suddenly this love took a sexual way as we started to kiss each other wait until her parents go to their work so that i can come and stay with her but we never did anything that will make us unvirgins because we will be facing certain death... one day she was at my house and my brother saw us kissing each other so he beat both of us and he told my parents my uncle everyman in my family and told them they have to kill me...my father was the cruelest one because it's one of the biggest sins for him and he said I need to go to a mental hospital because all bisexual ,lesbians and gays are crazy or a sinners who should be killed and he kept beating me again and spit on me and told me i'm cursed so he bringed me a ( sheikh ) a religious man who told my father that I must be possessed or mentally ill and if not one of those then i have to die for doing this and they must figure quickly before i bring shame and dishonour for my family that will stick with them forever..and the one who I thought I was in love with she told my parents that I'm the one who kissed her and I forced her.... but i know she just wanted to get away from this and be safe....i'm here now at my home because my father said i shouldn't get out the house because my father and my brother thinks I'm possessed i told them yeah I feel i'm possessed but just to stay alive and mum helped me she said I saw her do weird things and she made up a story to convince them and she told me that she was a lesbian and she lived her whole life like a straight girl and lived with man she never loved because of her parents and she showed me so many police reports about my father violence and abuse for.her every time she refused to have sex with him and she told me (I don't want you to live this life but it's the only way to live even if you escaped they will go to the police and tell them your lesbian and you will end up in prison after getting rape from every police officer in the prison)... i'm forced now to wear hijab and i am facing a forced marrige as my father wants me to marry a man i dont even know and to pray 5 times a day to get the evill soul out of me because he thinks I'm possessed as the religious man said and my mother said ..whats killing me now that I don't know whats wrong in what I did why I have to face all this humiliation vicious things because I loved some one i dont even know if i am lesbian or bi all i know it was love...please help me tell me what I should do I really can't live with this i did all they said because i don't want to die... please tell me is lesbians and bisexual really crazy  am I really need help  should i kill myself to end this pain? I can't deal with all of that i just want to live like a normal person

Answer 1

Oh my dear, that is a really tough one. 

I can't give you a 100% advice on what you should do. But I know what you should not do.   

Don't blame yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Being gay is as natural as being straight. 

People are stupid and easy to scare if something is not going the way they planned it. especially if the "norm" and society they are surrounded by is not allowing any exceptions. Don't let it stop you from living your live. (easier said than done)

Technically you could try to apply for asylum. Some European countries may accept your asylum application.

But getting asylum granted will be difficult. Sadly your first hurdle will be to prove that you are gay and in life danger because of it in your country. Because they will grant asylum only if they are totally convinced. So I personally would try to avoid this way if possible.

An "easier" way is to move somewhere where it is not illegal and start new. 

You are 23.. so what did you learn? Did you study? maybe there are possibilities to get a student or work visa somewhere...

all the best and keep your inner strength 

Conny