Dear @Musty1999,
Welcome to the Wefugees Community and thank you for reaching out to us.
I am sorry to hear about your struggles. I am not a lawyer neither a family law expert. But I found a website which gives helpful information on this (translated from German via Google translate). It says:
"If the mother, who has sole custody, refuses to declare joint custody, the father can apply to the family court for him to have custody alongside the mother. In the past, the mother's consent was always required for this co-care. This is no longer the case since the custody reform in 2013. The court decides in favor of the father if it does not harm the child. If parents are unsure how to decide on the issue of custody, the youth welfare office will advise them. This is especially useful after a separation. The parents often continue to share custody. Or one parent takes custody of one of the children.
If the parents separate, contact must be regulated independently of custody. The main thing that is clarified is how much time the child spends with the parent with whom they no longer live in the same household. Such agreements can be difficult if a partnership did not break up harmoniously. In cases of dispute, the youth welfare office can mediate. It is not uncommon for disputes over contact to end up in the family court. The focus of the access regulations is expressly on the well-being of the child. That has a right to see the separated parent. This parent - usually the father - in turn has the right and obligation to meet the offspring regularly. Access rights exist regardless of whether there is joint or separate custody. The biological father has a right to contact with the child, even if he is not the legal father, for example because the mother married another man during the pregnancy and he recognized the child as his. Grandparents can also have access rights."
I hope this helps and all the best,
Meike