Physically/ emotionally Abused

Question

Hello Wefugees,

I am disturbed.  
My Ex-boyfriend cheated and lied so many times to me.
A night that our daughter was sick, I asked that we take her to the hospital,  he didn't. In the morning,  I asked again,  he said he needed to be at work .
Later afternoon that day, a friend called that he'd see him with another woman at a restaurant.  
When I asked he said it wasn't but later said yes he went to have an affair and after went to eat.
Had enough of it so we broke up.
He move out of the apartment, now living together with the woman he cheated on me with.
We have 50/50 custody of our daughter,  I allow him to spend time with her.
Our daughter just turned 2.
He wanted to take our daughter to the woman's home, which I disagreed cos am not comfortable with it.
Because of that, he get angry and press my neck in front of our daughter.
I was scared to report because someone told me, jugendamt would take our daughter away from us.
But I told his family and they tried to talk to him. He said he can beat the mother of the child if he wants.

Anytime he doesn't get things his way he becomes so aggressive towards me and I don't feel safe! He threw a folded paper to my face today.
I had to drive off to save myself from the worst.
I went to the police to report that am not safe but they mentioned that I report him immediately he hits me.

I want to talk to jugendamt about how aggressive he is towards me.
 Do I have the chance to keep my child and stop him from having access right to our daughter?
And would I have a problem for not reporting being physically assaulted earlier?
Or do I have the chance to use it against him?

I don't feel safe around him  though I wish that he could spend time with our daughter but not take her to the women he cheated on me with.


Please advise me

Answer 1

Hi @Phiona

Firstly, we are neither lawyers nor specialised in family law here. Your questions are not related to migration but to family matters. However, I will try to answer your questions as best as possible.

The father currently has the right to spend time with your child. In German this is called ‘Umgangsrecht‘. He is allowed to spend the time how and where he feels is appropriate and also includes what other person your child may spend time with.

It is possible to have the rules around his access rights changed by the family court (Familiengericht). The court can order that the access can only take place at certain times or at certain places. They can also require the access to only take place in the presence of another person (usually a social worker from an organisation that helps families). This is called ‘begleiteter Umgang’. They can also remove the access rights fully as a last resort.

The court looks at what is best for the child and takes various factors into consideration. Here there is a good explanation of the law around access rights (Umgangsrecht) and how to have them changed (in English via online translation):

https://***-stark--familie-info.translate.goog/de/eltern/recht/elternverantwortung-nach-einer-trennung/umgang/?_x_tr_sl=de&_x_tr_tl=en&_x_tr_hl=en&_x_tr_pto=wapp

The Jugendamt do not take a child into care unless there is a serious threat to the child’s health and well-being. This could be because a parent poses a danger to the child or because a parent is unable to properly care for their child. Doing this is a matter of last resort and is only done in extreme circumstances where there is a danger to the child. From what you have written, I do not see any such circumstance.

I encourage you to speak to the Jugendamt about what has happened. You were not obliged to inform anyone about what has happened previously. You ask whether you have ‘the chance to use it against him’. I cannot assess how a family court would regard allegations of previous aggressive behaviour. For such questions, it is best to speak with someone experienced in this area.

You can also get help and advice from a family advice service ‘Familienberatungsstelle’. If you search online for ‘Familienberatungsstelle’ and the place you live, you will find these organisations. Their help is free, confidential and they usually have someone who speaks English.

If you do wish to go to court and do not have enough money to pay for a lawyer, you can get free legal aid for anything at the family court. This is called ‘Verfahrenskostenhilfe’.

Best,

Éanna

Comments

Thank you so much for the information and the link. Very helpful.