Hi @veronicakari
Firstly, it is possible to have residency rights in Germany as the partner of an EU citizen without being married. The requirements for this are that you can prove that you live together for an extended period, as you describe in your question, that you are registered as living in Germany, and that as an EU citizen you are making use of your freedom of movement rights. This means it is not enough to just be living in Germany, you generally have to be working here too. You do not have to work full-time; it is enough to work part-time or have what’s called a minijob with at least a certain number of hours a week. Then you have the right to stay here and he has the right to stay here as your partner.
To get married in Germany, you have to register as living here. This registration is called ‘Anmeldung’ and each city, town and area has a citizen’s office where you can register. You can then make an appointment with the local registry office (called Standesamt) to get married. You both will have to provide a passport/ID, birth certificate and certificate of eligibility to marry. The certificates will have to be translated into German. The registry office may require additional documentation or may need to have the authenticity of the documents verified which can take some time. Once everything is verified, you can make an appointment to be married.
As part of this process, the authorities will be made aware that your partner is in Germany without a legal status. For such situations, authorities such as the registry office and immigration office share information. If the requirements for getting married have been met, then he can be issued with a temporary residence paper (this is not a full residence permit) called a ‘Duldung’ to allow him to stay in Germany to marry you. After marriage, he can apply for a residence permit as your spouse if you are making use of your freedom of movement rights (as described above).
In both cases, either applying as your unmarried partner or as your spouse, the immigration authorities are likely to tell him that he does have the right to a residence permit, but must first leave Germany and return legally with a visa from a German embassy. This, however, is not correct as the rules are different for the spouses/partners of EU citizens and because you have a young child.
Be aware that the rules around EU citizens and partners/spouses from non-EU countries are quite complex and not always adequately understood by the authorities or advisory services. Make sure you get reliable information if you decide to make the move to Germany and start this process.
Best,
Éanna